I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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