i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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