All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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