i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
