His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
