I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
