he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
