i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
