dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
