I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
