the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
