let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
