I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
