I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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