i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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