Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
