lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize