You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he was CRYING into my vagina
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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