My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
