yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
