break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
