just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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