Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
