good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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