so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
