East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
BRING THE BAGELS
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
