Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
