every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
