made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I will be naked everywhere
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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