Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
