the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
