I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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