You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
