wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She has the best kind of daddy issues
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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