I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
