like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
