fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
