don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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