Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
