I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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