I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
