real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
