I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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