Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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