Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
