so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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