I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
