This girl is more easily done than said...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
