I CAN MOONWALK!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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