He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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