Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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