last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
